5.2.12

I'll show you vampires

This rant was prompted by a very dear friend who enjoys romance novels.  Specifically paranormal ones.  I have nothing against that.  Read whatever you want to read.  What I have an issue with is the moment in the book after the vampire bites his lover, where he licks the wound closed because their saliva is supposed to have amazing healing properties.

I understand that this is a very specific issue to have with vampires in books.  But I want to keep this post away from the normal "I hate Twilight" nonsense.  Dracula was the only vampire story for me, and that's the way it will always be.  I never even picked up another vampire book.  So I'm staying away from that potentially disastrous conversation.  Frankly I'm amazed people still talk about Twilight, if it was so horrible.

Anyway, back to my problem.  The licking to seal the wound closed.  Vampire bat saliva has anticoagulants in it to prolong bleeding.  Not to heal wounds.  I think all these authors wanted to pretend their vampires were more like other mammals in the sense that wound licking can have some healing properties.  Everybody has heard stories about some dog licking a wound, and it helps to heal, or whatever.  That's true, wound licking does sometimes help, through cleaning or whatever.  It also sometimes introduces bad oral bacteria into your system and can kill you.

In this case, the authors made their vampires more like this:


Than this:


And it's a tragedy.  Truly a tragedy.